A fortnight ago I turned 49 and as the days were drawing close to this birthday, I asked myself that typical middle age question – what have I got to show for my life? What have I got to show for half a century of life? Then the question became, “Am I where I wanted to be at this phase of my life?” Was this my mid-life crisis? 
My birthday somewhat coincides with the year turning, so I can excuse people for thinking that I am going through “end of calendar year” issues. Mine though is really a need within me to wake up to myself. Let me correct this, I actually have woken up to myself, but now begins the quest of how best I utilise the next 350 days to get myself closer to the mark of what I had set out for 50, physically, emotionally, spiritually financially and mentally. So I have challenged myself to be intentional about my journey to 50. To be intentional about the areas of my life that will see me pat myself on the back because I will have “started the shift to it”. I choose to share this journey with you, my friends, so that you are not left tittering one day in some corner asking yourselves “what happened to her?”. I will be honestly raw and vulnerable. I will open up parts of myself that one would typically hide as a way to protect oneself – but I believe that without opening oneself up, one cannot grow.
Many of us are afraid to grow older, afraid to admit we’re growing older, afraid to vocalise and address the disappointments we have had because of our choices. We do not want to appear as being failures. Yet I believe these conversations will allow us to seek the right help as we journey life. These conversations will allow others the space to share their wisdom, and possibly also learn from one.
I hope, too, that maybe one day, the younger generation, the Msi’s of this world, will not think that they would be the first to experience life challenges and perceived failures – but would rather understand that all generations go through these and in some instances the challenges are exactly the same with just a different context.
I will share fortnightly and will welcome your thoughts and feedback. I will be brutally honest with myself as I wade through my own bullshit. My first topic will be “I’m less sugar and more spice but still everything nice”. I will end the year on this very topic too. Today I write from Cape Town, my second destination in 2 weeks, as I want to live through my my journey in every way and I look forward to sharing it with you.
For now, MERRY CHRISTMAS and may the holiday season be memorable.
africansisterscanvas 